Yesterday I read an empowering article, about being a SAHM, and how that creates a luxury for the working spouse.  What an amazing perspective, and what perfect timing, seeing my husband is “working” in Las Vegas this week.  What a luxury for him to be able to travel for work, and we don’t have to worry about who will watch the kids.  That’s me.  Every. Time.

Lately, my 2 year old is on nap-strike.  He is actually a very good boy at “resting” in his bed for 2 hours while he talks, squawks, screeches, and always stays put.  His newest tactic for stalling the sandman, is pooping.  For 24 months, he’s been a morning pooper.  You could depend on that schedule like white on rice.  But since converting to a toddler bed, he conveniently poops around 1:30pm, every day (naps start at 1pm, mind you).  Because I’ve picked up on this, I generally go in and change him – and place him back in bed for more “rest.” Today, I put the boys down at 1pm after a very busy morning.  I do my best every day to wear the kids out, praying a nap will occur.  I jumped in the shower, and around 1:20, there was silence.  YESSSSSS!!  I won!  HAHAHAHAHA.  I watched a little DVR, started an Etsy shop, cleaned up my craft room, prepared for a baby shower, and did 2 loads of laundry.  WOW!  This nap thing is legit.  Around 4pm, the baby wakes.  Yes, he interrupts my productivity, but I can’t complain.  Haven’t had an afternoon like that in weeks!!!!  4:30 passes.  5:00 passes.

Ok.  I never let my son sleep past 5pm, if I expect a reasonable bedtime.  So, I head to his room, ready to wake the monster.

(sniff, sniff, sniff). “What the hell??!”

Surely, he crapped while I was in the shower, and I’m just now discovering it, since he was so peacefully silent.  Ok, let’s see what we’re working with.

(OPEN DOOR).  “WHAT THE HELLLLLLL!!??!”

Yep.  He crapped.  And decided to dig it out of his diaper and toss it all over the floor, before settling into a 3 hour nap.  I approach the crib – and pull him out, to see smears all over the crib and sheets. He greets me with “clean up, mama.”  Oh yeah??!  Thanks Milo.  Is this fucking Walmart?  Clean up on aisle 7??!  Yeah, I’ll go ahead and clean that up for you.

I change his diaper, and head to the bathroom for a bird bath in the sink.  I manage to scrub him elbows down and knees down in the sink with antibacterial soap.  I scrape under his nails, with my own nails, to ensure all is gone.  Ok.  Time to clean up the room.  I head to the living room (where baby is so patiently waiting) and put Mickey Mouse ClubHouse on.  I have 24 minutes to get this under control.  Ready. Set. Go.

I grab the vacuum.  The mop.  The bleach.  A handful of rags.  I head into the room, strip the sheets, pick up and flush all the loose turds (lovely).  I quickly smear the bleach around on the floor.  I best better check on the kids watchig Mickey in the living room….

Toddler.  On the couch.  Where I left him.  Glazed eyes from the ever so entertaining Mickey episode.  Perfect.

Baby.  On the floor.  Where I left him.  Splashing in a puddle. Ok.  Wait.  WHATT?!!?  Splashing in WHAT puddle?  Oh, he just spit up his bottle and is giggly playing in it.  FML.

Baby gets a 20 second bird bath in the sink now.  I clean up the puke puddle.  And head back to the poop room. Moral of the story?  Well.  There is none. Hope you are having fun, honey!!!  🙂

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